Potentially Bad Ideas, Vol. 1: Ordering Cannabis Online – The Portland Mercury (blog)
Every day, we are afforded the opportunity to make choices, both good and bad. When riding crowded public transit, do we remain in our seat, or offer it to someone who looks like they could use it more? (Offer the seat.)
When given too much change by a cashier, do we pocket the favored difference, or point out the discrepency to the cashier and return the extra cash? (Unless the cashier is being a real tool, return it.) Others involve an extra degree of risk and reward, wherein your choices may pay off in a most favorable way, or totally not and result in some unpleasant/expensive penalties.
Which brings us to a choice that I’m not going to wholeheartedly dismiss, nor will I unequivocally endorse. If you are reading this, the chances are greater than not that you are of a legal aged adult, and are capable of making your own decisions.
That said, I recently came across something that I personally wouldn’t engage in, but you may wish to pursue – ordering cannabis products from a website.
I’m not talking about ordering CBD off Amazon, although if you can avoid doing that, you should always buy local. No, I’m talking about the totally legit sounding website Legal Marijuana Real Store.
On my father’s grave, everything I am about to share is 100 percent taken from the website, even though it sounds like a cough syrup fever dream that was run through a Russian to English translator app.
A local cannabis meet-up group, to which I am subscribed, had a post that intrigued me—buy cannabis online! It was written in the style and with the emphasis most often seen in online ads that promise fast, easy cash, dramatic overnight weight loss, or a pill to lengthen your penis to 23 inches. (It’s what’s “in” this season.)
The site was put together by someone with a seemingly deep fondness for energy drinks and a strong distaste for traditional grammar and capitalization. “Buy Weed Online/Marijuana For Sale/Weed For Sale Online” appears numerous times throughout the first page, interspersed between color photos of various legal real marijuana for which you now can buy! After all, it is the “Legal Marijuana Real Store,” which is all the reassurance I need. The days of faux stores are over, friend! The day is happy!
The Real Store has 18 categories of different types of flower—sativa, indica, hybrids—along with hash, edibles, CBD products, seeds, and everything else you could need. No, seriously—there are 14 pages of items from which to choose, with about 12 products per page. Again, all is legal, worry is not yours, because this store is please remember real with much legal marijuana for you to order online.
The products are all listed in the same format, a large photo of the product with the name listed below “Buy Gorilla Glue Strain online”, and for flower a price range from one ounce to one pound ($300 -$1,600). Consistency with capitalization is rather loose, with listings for “Girl Scout cookies”, “blue dream Strain”, and my favorite “Buy Astroid OG Strain:A Mysterious OG Kush Hybrid online” which at $700 a QP is one of the spendier strains. Do not think you will be made sad by your online legal marijuana weed purchase, for this is legal marijuana from a real online store that you are making yours!
There is a live chat feature, which I first used by explaining I write about cannabis, and would they want to talk with me. Strangely, no one wished to speak to me about this endeavor, even though it’s real and legal status is pretty clear. I tried a second time with this unaltered exchange:
Welcome to Legal Marijuana Real Store , are you interested in our product(s) ? Feel free to ask questions if you have any doubt
are the flowers tested for pesticides, mold etc?
Yeah all our flowers are texted.
how concerned do i need to be about it getting through the mail?
We need just the address where you want it delivered and your email for the registration of package against delivery but we assure you that the package will make it through the custom of your city,we have been doing this for years and know how to go about it.
great, amazing strain line up you offer, and the hash is also very tempting. Will review and hit you back with any questions. Thanks, have a happy 4th.
Are you thinking “Hmmm, this sounds extremely legit, and I do need some Afghan Black Hash, which is a mere $1,800 per pound, also very much legit pricing now.” Here’s the description of that hash:
Afghan Black Hash is a hash clone. It is worldwide legal, and it will be legal forever. It does NOT contain any THC, synthetic cannabinoids or other research chemicals (like JWH-018, JWH-073, JWH-250, AM-2209 etc.). It is probably the best legal hash on the market. We only use natural, food quality materials. It looks like hash, it feels like hash, it smells like hemp and it has a very good taste. Afghan Black hashish only differs in colour from our other products. If you are not familiar with our products, buy a sample pack first. The shipping is free. Buy more from our legal hash products and the price will be lower.
As I’m sure you know, online legal store buyer of marijuana weed products, Afghan Hash was traditionally sought out precisely because “it did NOT contain any THC.” Much great luck that you may now buy this legal hash with no THC from the real online legal store!
You may want to remember that it breaks federal law to do this, that in Oregon we have a staggering abundance of cannabis that DOES have THC, and is tested by a real lab, or “texted” if you will. I did not order from Legal Marijuana Real Store, so I can’t say with complete authority that the Kurupt Moonrocks for $1,800 aren’t masterpieces.
But I have my doubts.